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[le_mat]

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Comments

[le_mat]

[something sure has, and Akira feels guilty dread already. Oh this was a bad idea wasn't it?]

I mean, I'm going to feel guilty no matter what. I would... rather you not have to deal with it at all, honestly. But it's such a huge part of this place it's. I dunno, maybe naive to think anyone can avoid it forever, even if If their feeding methods are different. The Fog likes to fuck with us. I've

[he pauses there for a bit, not happy about admitting this]

killed people when I didn't have to, here. Usually due to the fog effects. Like the red mist. But sometimes the Fog just... gets in there. Makes you lose your sense of judgement. I dont want you to have to deal with that if you don't have to, but whatever you want to know or see... I mean, you were there for me after my first. That means a lot. So whatever you need, I got you.

[familyproblem]

[Oh. Hang on a second.]

I might have misspoken. Give me a minute to think.

[It's probably a shorter minute than anticipated. It doesn't really take him that long to nail down what he thinks went wrong. The hard part is getting over himself to articulate it.]

All I really needed to know was whether it would help more to get involved, or stay out of it. Whether my luck is a source of resentment, or relief. I think you've already answered that question.

[give him a sec on the rest of that]

[le_mat]

[There's... quite a bit of delay between each responce]

oh

uh, wow ha ha

sorry. this is embarrassing.

this is why im usually the Joke Guy

[His embarrassment is palpable through the internet.]

though i DID mean what i said.

and yeah, i definitely don't resent you. It never even occurred to me.

and i doubt that's the case with the twins either. hell, me and ingo teamed up for a while in the pale while he was trying to find you and emmet

[familyproblem]

[yeah it's extremely palpable.]

Like I'm not embarrassed too.

[However: Gladion is pretty sure that the root problem here was his own attempt to avoid saying "hey, I'm insecure about something, can you pat my ass real quick".

...In part because that's not all there is to it. Maybe he should try to reiterate his thoughts about Silvally.

Maybe he should keep his mouth shut.

He'll have time to think about it because oh look a distraction. Sort of.]

I'm definitely not worried about their opinions. They're too straightforward for that. It's still a question of

[long pause. What the fuck is this a question of. He can't easily articulate this, hence the initial rambling. ARGH.]

strength, I guess.

This is not easy to explain.

[le_mat]

well I cant promise I'll get it, but you can try? promise no judgement here. sometimes just having a sounding board helps

[familyproblem]

[.....]

Maybe I should tell you more about Silvally. It's the one who got me thinking about any of this.

[still pondering.]

[le_mat]

[he had compared his situation to silvally's earlier, hadnt he?]

sounds like a good place to start

[familyproblem]

[This one takes a while. He types things out, and erases them. Types them again, a little different.]

Silvally is an incredibly powerful Pokemon and always has been. Before I brought it here, the whole idea of keeping it out of a fight for its own safety would have been absurd. Dealing with unknown threats through sheer force is what it was, literally, made to do. Everything else is something it had to learn.

Protecting me was never the point of all that power, but it just comes with the territory of Pokemon training. Ultimately I'm just a human, and there's only so much we can do. And that's never been much of a problem for Silvally, as strong as it is.

Not so much here. Another monster could probably kill it if they tried, and I have to watch out for that. And on the other hand, so far it's been immune to some of what the Fog and other powers here do to us...but there's nothing it could take on in a fight and win to make those things stop.

[le_mat]

so the two of you have switched roles almost

[familyproblem]

Almost.

[...]

Not in every way, but in more ways than just that. Physical strength is just the obvious part.

One of them is what I was saying about not wanting it to put itself in danger. There's other things I don't want it to be involved in either, like when I feed. Or when the twins bring a body back. I can't read its mind, but it obviously stresses it out to know that we're upset and not be able to do anything about it directly.

It's been adjusting really well to all of this, though. Impressively well.

[le_mat]

the same way most of us would be if someone who didn't have to be involved got tangled in those things. makes sense.

and i'm glad. I know you were... conflicted when it first arrived.

[familyproblem]

Right.

[And then a much longer pause here. The backspacing is copious.

It's not like Gladion is a stranger to Just Saying Things, but the resistance to it runs deep in him, and when it surfaces it's so silent that he barely notices the source of his uncertainty. The closer he gets to admitting something he feels, the more frivolous it seems. This problem isn't even a problem, now that the question of where he stands relative to...murdercannibalism is sorted. More sorted than it was.]

I'm nothing but proud of it for how it's been doing. If you'd known it before I brought it here, you might be shocked by how quickly it's adapted to a very different lifestyle.

[God. How does he...where does he take this from here. How does he, like, dislodge the thing that's stuck in his throat about this.]

It sets quite the example to live up to.

[Mmmmmmmaybe??]

[le_mat]

[hmm]

from what you told me, adapting is what pokemon DO- it's more natural for them than it is for us humans, right? still, it's something to aim for, as best we can.

[familyproblem]

[another glacially long pause]

I don't think we could fairly say anything is that "natural" for Silvally.

[i stick my hints and implications under your door]

[le_mat]

...i'll admit i thought it looked kind of... well, i've never seen a pokemon so it's not like i know what they look like normally. but kinda mishmash?

[familyproblem]

Not many people would know. It's the single upside of coming to a world without them.

[as if some people haven't already noticed but like. there's a layer. plausible deniability.]

That's just to say that the credit lies with Silvally for whatever path it forges.

Anyways, for clarity, I'm not jealous of Silvally, and I'm not saying that I haven't adapted to Ryslig at all. What I'm [agonizing over?] thinking about is more specific than that.

[le_mat]

yeah?

[Sorry gladion, you're going to have to use your words. He's glad to hear that's not what this is though]

[familyproblem]

[Once again: a long, long pause.

More than enough time for Gladion, in front of his own screen, to work himself up into a churning frustration over not finding something adequate to say about this. And to raise the point with himself that this might just be really stupid.


It is a really fucking long pause.]

I might have to come back to this some other time. [things liars say] This is a lot less simple than it seemed at first.

[le_mat]

if that's the case you can text me whenever.

though i mean, i get being frustrated about this place. i feel... well, it's this tug of war between if you adapt to it it feels like giving in? or accepting it? but if you fight it you just make things worse. i'm not used to not having a solution that I can work towards.

[familyproblem]

[Uggghhhhh he feels bad.]

That's not what has me turned around, but it is true. I don't want to give the Fog an inch without a fight, but there is a lot of blood on the path of full resistance.

[...]

And I refuse to accept hunting as a normal part of life in a moral sense, but obviously life right now depends on accepting it in a practical sense, and [. . .] I'm not disgusted with you or the twins or anyone else for having to do it. Or for having to treat it like it's mundane.

[le_mat]

and we don't judge you for not having to. it's a balance- we're here to help each other.

[familyproblem]

[Still feels bad. But good. He wants to curl up on these messages like a cat on warm laundry. But also they kind of worry him abstractly.]

I still don't feel like I know how to help you.

[le_mat]

you already have

1/2

[familyproblem]

2/2

[familyproblem]

[akira......



pls]

I'm glad for it but that doesn't keep me from wanting to know.