le_mat | RDoS Inbox

What do you mean?

[Bringing Silvally here is all he can assume, but he can't say for sure]

Silvally isn't better off for being here.

Ah.

[as suspected]

Well, it didn't turn human, so it's probably safe from the Fog and E+Lias affecting it directly, at least.

But... if it's your partner, maybe it would be happier being here to protect you.

[he 'sighs', the projection of his human voice echoed by a small huff of breath from his horse body]

Though I'm a biased on this kind of thing, so don't take my advice too seriously. You can always just ask it, right?

[HUFFSIGH that sounds a little bit brittle.] Yeah. [As does that, despite a touch of forced confidence.] It's just...something I'll be thinking about.

[Since he knows how a Pokeball works and that Silvally could hear every word out of his mouth if it wanted to listen in, he's not eager to dig any deeper into that out loud, right here. Whatever else he's feeling, he's not unhappy to see his partner. He could never insinuate that.]

It's been a big couple of days at our place. [What with the fog.] Tomorrow...the twins probably won't need too much of an introduction. [Though he's still worried about Ingo.] I need to show Silvally around. Figure out if there's anywhere I should be careful letting it out... [pause, audible Feeling of a Groan] Figure out its diet. I don't know about the pet foods they sell here.

[One of his long-running work peeves.]

[The part of Akira that feels almost compelled to get into others' business, to help, to fix, wants to press the conversation further. But he also feels a kind of relief at letting it go- because how can he, in good conscience, give anyone advice on the morality (or lack of it) of bringing someone here? Of making a choice like that, without the other's consent, for their own happiness and comfort? At least Silvally is likely safe from the twisted degradation of this place- having it's will be manipulated over and over by an outside force, even if it is a more dangerous world than what it's used to. At least Silvally will likely be able to be happy like this, with a person it clearly trusts and cares for.

Akira has no right to talk about something like that, does he?

So he lets it go like a coward.]

I'm guessing it's a preditor?

[Oh god what a question.]

Normally it'd eat regular store-bought food, but...different world and all that. [like where does he even start with that, there's nowhere near the same amount of variety AND they obviously don't use the same ingredients here AND he thinks they're all kind of dodgy anyways...huff.] It needs a lot of protein, but it doesn't hunt, if that's what you mean.

Hmmm. Yeah, kibble isn't great for a creature it's size. It's got a lot of filler. Never tried to feed it to Morgana- not that he'd eat it anyway.

Maybe a monster with a hunting instinct can take down a deer or two a month for it? Something that size probably needs to eat a lot.

...That's definitely in Ingo's wheelhouse. Probably better than chicken or whatever anyways. [Well shit. He hadn't even thought about that yet!] I'm growing some fruiting plants from our world, but otherwise it's just more groceries and more cooking. Going to add to our budget... [hm.] I ought to find out if I can...eat normally through roots. [hmmmmmmm bad. but he ought to do it but wow he doesn't want to think that thought.]

Just make sure you're still eating enough. Just because we CAN live on just... monster food- [Humans] -doesn't mean we should. Good food is one of the real pleasures in life, you know.

[pffha.] How old are you? [As if that's some kind of old person thing to say and not just true??]

[He throws his head a bit, his steps becoming purposely a bit more bouncy, but not enough to actually buck Gladion off]

Wow?? I'm only like, what, two years older than you?? I'm a cook, I'm allowed to say things like that.

[Gladion must be Early Morning Delirious because he absently pats Akira's neck as if to tell the horse shh calm down.]

I live with Ingo, there's no risk of going without soup and everything.

[But that's two mentions of Ingo in under a minute, which makes it very hard to not worry about yesterday. He and the twins do well living together, but they're never going to have a nice life in Ryslig. Things like Ingo's cooking aren't to be taken for granted.

Sigh through his nose.]

Yesterday we both - got hunger. He hunted. I had something ready.

[He knickers and settles, feeling very amused with himself... until Gladion continues]

Ah. He's a manticore, right?

[It makes sense he would need to hunt, if what the phamplets said was true- like Akira himself only fresh kills would work, if for different reasons]

Edited 2023-02-17 16:27 (UTC)

Right. And Emmet's a gargoyle, turned the day before.

[Two hunters. At least Gladion wouldn't be hurting for supplies... but it has to be rough on all of them, going at the same time. Maybe it's a hormonal thing.]

How are you holding up?

Emmet hates the nocturnal schedule. And we'll be seeing less of each other because of the flipped sleeping hours. And Ingo...

[I mean what do you even say about that. What can he say that isn't something Akira, having already been through similar, knows. And he's met Ingo, so he knows a little about the kind of person he is.]

You can probably imagine.

[He lacks human facial expressions like this, but a low sadness can be heard in his 'umhm'. Because, well, he can. He still thinks about his first, even though he's fed since both as a kelpie and as a shade.]

And you?

[No escaping by talking about the bros, bro]

[Slow...inhale.

This is one of those patented Gladion overthinking silences, where he's trying to dodge around saying something ungraceful or nonsensical or emotional by repackaging it into something impersonal and actionable, but there's just not actually a way to do that.

It drags on a little bit too long. Conscious of it, he takes a hand from Akira's neck and sticks in his pocket. Silvally, in its ball, nudges at his fingers, and some of the tension in his chest loosens.

Exhale.]

...I don't know how to describe what happened.

You don't have to.

[He hadn't been able to in any detail either. Both because it was traumatizing and just because the actual method was so damn weird]

I just... I want to help if I can. You were there for me when I needed someone.

[Is there such thing as a good knife-to-the-gut feeling? It catches him in a weak spot. Absolved of something so basic as having to justify himself, Gladion reels.

(And, uh - there are car ride conversations, and then there's not being able to brush something off because you're en route to somewhere and also sitting on the person you're talking to?)

In the space of a few seconds, he flinches away bristling, flutters with hope, and creeps forward again. Physically, he swallows and goes quiet for another few seconds.]

...This time, I didn't have to - [Break. Swallow again. Voice thick:] But it was bad.

[And another pause because, wow, this is hard.]

[He 'nods' which is more of a head toss in this form, but Gladion is experienced with animal body language enough to likely pick it up. In many ways Gladion reminds him of Makoto- someone who takes on too much, who keeps their overworking thoughts to their chest, but who has tells if you know what to look for. Gladion isn't at the level of familiarity he has with Makoto, but his sensitive kelpie senses can feel the pause, the slight shift in scent. It's enough for him to follow his first instinct of not pressing directly]

Yeah. I get it. My first was... it was weird. Bad and weird. Draining... it's surreal and kinda fucked up, honestly.

[Back to staring down the gulf. So certain that there's some kind of difference between what he did and what everyone else has done, without any evidence to back that up, and wondering in a lucid moment - maybe it's just a trick he's playing on himself? If there's anything truly different about what he'd be capable of, if he lost control in the wrong place at the wrong time - how terrible would it have to be to overshadow what Emmet, or Ingo, or Akira already have done?]

Ah, it - mm. [Yeah.] It's - that's just how it is. Isn't it.

I guess so. I've fed as a kelpie and a shade now, but I'm no expert.

[he ponders if he wants to say what he thinks. If it will actually help. But it bubbles up almost without his consent]

This place... it's like a drug. She gets into you and makes it all seem okay. Or even good. And for some people accepting it and getting used to it are fine. I can't really judge them for it.

... but there's something to be said for looking at all this and just saying "no". We eat because we have to survive. But you don't have to be okay with it. You don't have to "adapt"- even if it's hopeless there's... something there in telling the Fog "fuck you" to her face.

[ something in him grieves at his own words. He's not that kind of person anymore. But gladion still could be, if he wanted to]

[Another knife, piercing straight through his fear and into a second worry: looking down this fruitless, indeterminate resistance and realizing, in a cold panic, I don't think I can do this again if I'm on my own this time.

And now Silvally is here.

As if to confirm that, or just sensing his rising stress, it jolts in his hand. Gladion tenses, sitting up a little straighter.]

No, buddy, it's fine, [he murmurs,] it's just a talk. [And he slouches again, slowly.

Breathes out. Breathes in.]

That's all I want. I just don't - I don't want to - we've all sort of, lost it when hunger hit. [Breathe.] If I have to go under, I want to know I'll come back up again.

[there's so much he could say: about Self, cognition, will. But it's far too past both their bedtimes for such heavy things. So:]

You can. And will. I have faith in you.

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Cw: brief suicidal imagery

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